I thought my boyfriend was as interested in traveling as I was. It isn’t, and now I doubt our compatibility. | Tech US News


by Wayne and Wanda

Updated: 59 minutes ago Published: 59 minutes ago

Dear Wayne and Wanda,

A lot of people say they “love travel,” but they mean it. I try to visit a new country every year. I’ve been willing to take unpaid leave to travel for a long time and I’m careful about spending money so I can afford to get away. One of the big reasons I’ve remained happy living in Alaska is that I’ve gotten out so regularly.

During the pandemic, I met “Jeff”. The first thing I noticed about Jeff was a photo on his online dating profile in front of the Eiffel Tower. In our first conversations, he talked about how much he enjoyed that trip to Paris. I shared how fundamental travel is to my happiness.

Now that life is back to its new normal and Jeff and I are still together, I’ve been planning a couple of international trips and some Lower 48 travel next year. Jeff doesn’t want to come. He said he couldn’t pay, so I offered to use airline miles (mine) and hotel reward points, also mine. He said that he is not really that interested in leaving the country and that the thought of being in a foreign country is stressful. He said the trip to Paris was fun, but it was a tour situation where he didn’t have to do any work or planning.

He says he’d rather spend time in Hawaii with me on the beach and suggests that he continue to enjoy these foreign experiences alone. I’m not opposed to beach time, but I need variety and my long-term partner wants to see the world with me. I feel like he fooled me when we first met with all his talk of Paris. Any advice on whether I can make him more open minded or should I consider moving on?

Wanda says:

Some of us are energized by the thrill of navigating new places, conquering language barriers, stumbling across intriguing spaces and making international flight plans. Others find this to be overwhelming work that takes away from the relaxation that a simpler vacation can provide. It’s clear that you and Jeff are misaligned in your ideal getaways.

It’s unfortunate that you thought Jeff was delusional in early conversations, possibly implying that their trip to Paris was proof of their mutual wanderlust. You might as well have heard what you wanted. For example, wasn’t it remarkable that he had only traveled out of the country once? And isn’t it possible that since it was COVID, and no one was going anywhere, I underestimated your fascination with travel?

I doubt his contributions to the conversation were nefarious. The truth is probably somewhere in between: As is common in the early stages of a romantic connection, you likely said and heard what you wanted and needed to move the romance forward. You assumed he loves travel because you do too! He shared details about Paris because it was a way to connect!

So it turns out you are not fully aligned. It’s ok. Your relationship is relatively new, and you have plenty of time to build shared experiences and memories. start small After all, were you totally bold and fearless during your first trips abroad? doubt it They can be intimidating and cause anxiety. So he suggests a mutually interesting place that has something for both of us: sunshine, a low-level language barrier, but enough of the ooh/ahh factor of foreign fascination to spark his wandering whistle for future adventures.

Wayne says:

Well, you said it yourself, “My long-term partner has to want to see the world with me.” That’s a definite line drawn in the tropical beach sand. And good for you for knowing the core requirements of your future partner. Based on that, we wouldn’t blame you if you packed your bags and sang, “Hit the road, Jeff.”

However, you also said that you are willing to accept some variety of vacation. Not a bad plan if you want to see how this relationship responds to some passport stamps. If Jeff is willing, of course. So I’ll get a buddy pass and ride with Wanda for her first-rate suggestion of exploring the compatibility of your travels by finding a literal place that’s exotic enough for you and innocuous enough for Jeff.

Costa Rica and most major cities in Mexico immediately come to mind, as you’re definitely not in America anymore, but you also have the balance of warm hospitality and wild exploration you crave. If you’re a fan of Hawaii, maybe fly a little further to Fiji? And even though Australia is a long way, the country is a lot like Alaska because it’s populated with great people and full of great adventures. Oh, and the Aussies speak English, so Jeff has that going for him. No matter where you’re going, maybe dig a little deeper into your hotels for this first trip and upgrade to resorts where you can maximize your comfort level and sense of home base.

I’m excited to see how this goes for you. Even a long road trip from Point A, Alaska, to Point B, beaches, can reveal a lot about a couple’s communication and potential. These are demanding days and nights and it takes a real loving team to come out of them ready to go to the beach, the bar or the hotel with good vibes.

[I recently moved in with my girlfriend. Trouble is, there’s no space for me, or my stuff.]

[I’m dating a great guy, but his dog’s outsized role is cramping our relationship]


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